Saturday, July 23, 2005

why ar?

ok...i don't know wad to put for the title of this entry...so i just put the universal question of "why ar?" as the title, in case u are wondering 'why ar?' your title so funny.

actually...i think i think too much. go figure. i think this entry might not make a lot of sense since i myself is in not a very sensible mood now. i suddenly feel very very worried. hmmm...really worried. nvm...i shall not blog about it...i think i shall leave it to here...

*****

ok...think i better blog something more substantial now.

close friends should know that i like to "hai..." and sigh real loudly. but i don't do these for fun, i really got something bothering me then i will hai..hai...hai.... things such as: i am confused about my future. can i earn enough to support myself entirely? these questions are only the tip of the iceberg. and i thing spelling things out here may prove useless. ok, i am not those kind of happy go lucky type...maybe at times i will be like that...but most of the time, i don't think i am. i realised that i am full of hatred(maybe cuz nowadays i don't pray enough). i say mean stuff and act really childishly(ala XX, but i don't mean she is childish all the time). i think i need the regimentation and stuff in the army, with that, maybe i will be a better person. i think la. (shit, how come there is fried chicken smell wafting into my room at the middle of the night?!) maybe i should just sign on to the army and every thing that i have been hai-ing about will be fixed...stable salary...future fixed...and you are not in the risk of losing your rice bowl cuz it's the ARMY for goodness sake(who want's to join the freakin army?!). maybe army is a wrong choice then. haiz...wad i am i talking about?! i really really really need a counsellor to speak to NOW...i think my mind is in a serious mess...really...i am like a zombie with no aim...really...scary sia. i should really pray more. i think i am going no where...looking at the architecture grad's pay i see a bleak future airbrushed across the lens of my glasses, obscurring my vision, like wad my eyelids are doing to me now.

everytime i think tomorrow will be ok, tomorrow will be better, is nothing but a false hope. i better get up on my feet(yes, i can walk now) and do something about my bastardly future before it collaspes in under my feet. shit la, really shit. i think at this point in my life i am terribly shitified. there are many many things and issues that i have yet to resolve. one thing essential now is sleep, and i shall go resolve it now...bye.

5 Comments:

Anonymous xin said...

u okie?


if not happy just crap abt it... after that u will feel better liao. i am also childish...haha...just be yourself the way u r most comfortable with :D

11:52 AM, July 24, 2005  
Anonymous c. said...

Maybe cuz too much idle time conjure up all these thoughts?
I mean, I was also much sadder and miserable in that period of time between sec sch and poly...more time to think means more time to think irrational thoughts.
Don't worry, time will solve a lot of things, I trust your decision-making skills. cheers!

7:54 PM, July 24, 2005  
Anonymous c. said...

Oh ya one more thing cuz I forgot..from experience, some things you really just can't plan now, no matter how you feel you should...all you'll do is think and analysize yourself to death. Go with the flow, relax and enjoy your todays Fab =)

(Meanwhile, my today is spent in bloody school doing that stupid Sri Lanka assignment @#$%^!)

7:59 PM, July 24, 2005  
Blogger fabz said...

c.: yar, i think u are right, the free-ness of my life now is the cause of all these unecessary thinking...

1:26 AM, July 25, 2005  
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